Landon's 3rd Birthday

Three years ago today my little boy was born and then quickly returned to live with our Heavenly Father. Over the last three years, I have coped quite well and tried to make it a happy day. This year is a bit different in the sense that I'm not sure how my coping will go. I'm still attempting to make it a happy day and hopefully it will go well! Perhaps the reason I'm not coping as well as I usually do is because of all my focus on Landon this year. I got involved with the March of Dimes to help raise money to go towards helping babies like Landon and Amelia and started a team in memory of Landon. When it first began I thought that this was another great way to cope and to bring rememberance. I still believe that it has done that for me and that I will be stronger for it. It is hard.

In the last six months three of my friends have lost their little ones. Perhaps this is another reason for my lack of coping. I've always just accepted the fact that this happened to me, and three years ago I didn't know anyone that had lost a child. The most recent little one that has returned to our Father in Heaven was this past Sunday which broke my heart and added that little bit more sorrow to my week.

Also, over the past three years I have never really asked the why me question, because of my acceptance. I don't plan on starting that here or probably ever. I know that each of us have experiences that we have to go through in order to help us become humble, teachable and more like Christ.

I try to invision what Landon would look like, what he would be doing at this point in development, what his sweet personality would be like. I can't imagine him to be anything like Amelia! Those are the things I think about and miss and long for the most. One day I will know the answers to these questions!

The other day I was thinking about how blessed I truly am to have such wonderful children. Landon, the perfect soul that he is and will always be; and Amelia the perfect little girl that gets to stay here with me and learn and grow and gain experience. It is amazing to me the insight and clarity one receives from the Spirit to get through any crazy event that occurs in our lives.

Although today marks the day we received and lost our son, know that I know that he is and always will be a part of our eternal family. That through the resurrection of the Savior he will be resurrected and because of the atonement, Landon will live with our Heavenly Father forever!

I appreciate all of our friends and family that support us and give us comfort during the darkest of our days. We are truly blessed to have such wonderful people in our lives!